I am Every Battered Woman

I use to be married to a man that shared and showed his fear in this way. He came from a family where anger, frustration, and physical violence reigned, so that is what he learned. I made a vow to never hit back and kept it our entire relationship (seven years). Then one night during one of his outbursts, I visualized ripping out is wind pipe with my bare hands as I had truly had enough, so the next day I finally left, that was August 11th, 2000, as I was scared of me and what I might do. I went to a Woman’s Shelter in New Mexico that day and started my life over.

 

Wow! How bizarre that you posted this image on my 13th anniversary of my leaving a relationship where emotions were expressed in this way.

 

It seems people always wondered why I stayed, it is because he had healed a long standing issue that I had had, he helped me to have an orgasm, as when we met I was 29 and had never had one but knew I needed an orgasm what ever that was. So since he helped me with one of my longstanding issues, my goal was to unconditionally love him though his issue of using force to express his frustration. I hope I did. I am not sure as I have not seen him since then.

 

I am now in a relationship where each of us is responsible for their emotions, where we are able to be ourselves and where we support each other to be our best.

 

I learned to love myself unconditionally and so the universe sent me a man capable of loving himself unconditionally too. I am blessed to have loved both the men as I learned a lot about me in both relationships.

 

From choosing to live with a man that expressed his anger with physical violence I learned, that after seven years of taking it every cell in my body wanted it to just stop. So I had to make the choice to protect myself and my x-husband by leaving the situation for good.

 

Now I have learned what it is like to live with a man that was raised in a supportive, loving, only slightly dysfunctional family, much more safe and secure feeling for me. I am blessed.

 

Thank you for the flood of memories you gave me today about my past, my present and my future. I love your posts.

 

I truly am every battered human and heart.

 

Bless every heart that pulses.

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10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. IdealisticRebel
    Aug 11, 2013 @ 09:30:05

    I helped to start a DV shelter in Pennsylvania and stayed with them twenty seven years. I did the right thing and I am so sorry you went through this but happy you survived. Peace, Barbara.

    Reply

    • happinessheals
      Aug 11, 2013 @ 09:36:37

      Thank you Barbara for your kind response. I am grateful for my relationship with the man who expressed his frustration with physical violence as it taught me to stand up for me, love me, trust me and count on me, which I guess is exactly what I needed, as I love me unconditionally today, every cell of my being. I am whole, healed and forgiven, because I have given forgiveness to him and to me.

      I deeply appreciate that you created a safe space for the women of Pennsylvania! Gratitude Dance, for you! Thanks for stopping by my blog and connecting with me. I Love You. :~)

      Reply

      • IdealisticRebel
        Aug 11, 2013 @ 10:07:25

        I love you too and I am sorry this was the way you had to learn these things, but I must say it took real courage to leave. You are a wonderful woman and I will be back. I invite you to visit my blog. If you go back some you will find women’s issues sprinkled throughout. Peace, Barbara

      • happinessheals
        Aug 12, 2013 @ 10:30:26

        I shall enjoy taking a trip through your blog! Thank you for your comments! :~)

  2. IdealisticRebel
    Aug 11, 2013 @ 09:30:37

    Reblogged this on idealisticrebel and commented:
    From the mouth of a victim

    Reply

  3. IdealisticRebel
    Aug 11, 2013 @ 09:31:16

    Reblogged this on idealisticrebel and commented:
    From the mouth of a victim

    Reply

  4. tersiaburger
    Aug 19, 2013 @ 15:31:17

    It fills me with anger and repulsion that a “human” being can do this to another person. Thank you for posting this. I am one of the fortunate few that was spared physical abuse. Mental abuse is as vicious and the scars are less obvious.

    Reply

    • happinessheals
      Aug 22, 2013 @ 09:41:37

      Mental abuse goes along with the physical abuse every time. I empathize with you that your family was unable to see your innocent loving heart or the one that beat inside their own rib cages. I am blessed for the experience has left me confident, calm and caring. Thank you for the time you spent writing me a post. May you love your precious perfect self. :~)

      Reply

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